I just saw a meme about how the world looks like we hated it. It does. The reason for that is because we are hating ourselves and that is manifesting around us. We blame the environment, the neighbors, the government anyone but ourselves. Michael Jackson nailed it with the man in the mirror song.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
(If you want to make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change”

Michael Jackson

The only thing you can change are your own thoughts. Mind your own business otherwise. Think about the things that interest you, not what the neighbor is doing wrong. Random acts of kindness if you feel inspired, otherwise don’t pay any attention to it. Your attention to a problem does not help the situation. It amplifies it. 

Let’s clarify that. There is a time and place to be aware of the external circumstances. Its necessary to ‘be where you are’  and accept that, in the same sense as looking at a map. If I am not sure where I am then I am at a serious disadvantage for getting anywhere else. 

There is a kind of magic that happens when we take an objective look at where we really are in life. It becomes a launch pad or catalyst for everything you ever dreamed of if you approach it from a nonjudgemental place. This awareness and acceptance really is the key to opening the door to your future. 

The people that run around with their do good ideas rescuing animals and people are deeply imbedded in the victim triangle. I speak from personal experience. I may have been the worst case of this ever. Now anyone that knew me wouldn’t have thought it applied to me. I certainly didn’t/ I was no victim. I didn’t sit there helplessly and let anyone bully me or anyone else. In fact, I was a ‘champion’ for many people. They would bring me their problems and I would ‘go to bat’ for them too! I was good at it. 

It took a long time for me to understand the dynamics of victimhood triangles. I have to credit Jay Fiset and his book Reframe Your Blame for the ahhh haaa moment. (Check his stuff out here) The triangle consists of the Victim, the Rescuer and the Bully. Now if you are ever anyone of these you are absolutely all three. I couldn’t see it for a long time. This didn’t apply to me. I wasn’t a bully and I just helped people. I was no ones victim. 

That became my own inside joke when I finally saw the truth. I was the biggest bully and victim I had ever seen! Rescuer? I have had more animals and people flow through my life that needed something than almost anyone I know. From injured and starving animals to children and adults that were abandoned or abused. So how did that make me a bully or a victim?

Its easy to see the victimhood when you look at one simple thing. Do you have reasons or results? I had nothing but reasons. They were all valid mind you; everyone agreed. I was a single mom, I got sick, so and so did this, the economy collapsed… it goes on and on. They were all excuses. A never-ending stream. Oh wait we are calling them reasons here.

I finally saw this when I was face to face with something called bargaining. I always thought I was a generous person. I mean I would help anyone I could anytime. I helped people, especially people I loved, or did I? It turns out I was always doing good things for others so they ‘owed’ me. They had to be my friend or be nice to me because I just bought them a tree stand right? Now mind you, this wasn’t a conscious thought. I was completely unaware of this program. I mean anyone that would do this was a bad person right? I wasn’t a bad person.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People… insert Jaws music here…

Yeah, that was a rude awakening and it came about because I was really unable to say no to anyone. I found myself sick in bed with cancer and still trying to do things for other people that I didn’t feel like doing. I had done nothing but sacrifice my self for others my whole life. Thats what you do right? Even to the point of it killing you. Lets all die a martyr because that helps the world right? Not even close. 

Now we come to the bully side of things. I was the biggest bully ever. I was teaching my kids to be bullies too and didn’t even realize it! Think about this for a minute. “If you pick on my kid I’m gonna beat your ass”. Its a threat and teaching a kid to use physical violence to dominate smaller people and things. We don’t even see it. We think we are ‘protecting’ our families but in reality we are creating the world that makes them need protection! 

Where does that come from? Inside ourselves. Thats the source of it. The real bully is that voice in your head, that inner dialogue telling you you are stupid, ugly, fat whatever it is.  Don’t believe me? Try this little exercise. Next time a thought crosses your mind about yourself or anyone else say it out loud and imagine some else just said that to someone you love. Yeah.

That was a one of the hardest things for me to accept. I WAS THE BIGGEST BULLY! I grew up with my parents telling me I was ugly, stupid and once even told by my father that the only way anyone could love me is if I became someone else! Thats a little rough to process coming from ‘Dad’. It created an inner dialogue in my own head that was way more effective than anything anyone else ever said. I left the influence of my father when I was 10. The voice in my head took over the emotional abuse and took it to a whole new level. It took until my forties to figure it out and change it. 

That inner dialogue is now my best friend and biggest fan. The whole world is different for me now. It isn’t because of anything external. It really is an inside job. Anyone can change there life by learning a few simple skills. If we do we help change the world. Its the only thing that can.

If you’re sick of living your miserable life and ready to be the man in the mirror come find me. 

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